Holding on through the tough times..

Let me set the scene: It’s about 98 degrees outside; humidity at rainforest level. My husband is digging 4 large holes for me next to the AC on the side of the house.

I say “for me” because it was my idea to try and hide that ugly, grey, growling monster of an air conditioning unit by planting a few nice bushes around it.

So I go outside to check and see how this landscaping project is progressing and realize that all 4 holes are in the wrong place.

What to do?

Seems obvious to me..

If the holes are in the wrong place, you speak up immediately and brace for the blow-back you’d expect from a man ankle deep in mud with sweat pouring off the rim of his hat. And sure enough, he unleashes a few accusatory thunder claps , I toss a few lightening bolts his way as well, and dark clouds gather over our heads.

He digs new holes but he is NOT happy. The storm takes a few hours to quiet down.

When it is all over, we both agree that at moments like these, we forget that we are each others’ most valuable assets. I forget how lucky I am that he is always willing and able to support my home improvement visions. He forgets how lucky he is that I have these ideas in the first place or we’d be living in a run-down shack.

Let’s face it, I know exactly where the ‘holes’ should go In life..

and he has the muscles to dig them..😉

It’s not that we are alike in every area (far from it) – we just compliment each other in important ways that benefit our lives, our family and our relationship. That in a nutshell is one of the secrets to our 37 years of marriage.

The WSJ has an article up again about the strain so many are experiencing in their relationships due to Covid-19 and all of the chaos and uncertainty it has wrought. The advice they give to couples is:

1: Remind yourselves that the driver of much of what you are going through is COVID and its consequences-not your partner.

2: Don’t make any big relationship decisions during this time.

3: Don’t forget to “play.” (Make time to have fun)

And I would simply add this:

Consider the top five things your partner does for you that you deeply appreciate ..even the smallest things count. (My husband makes me a cocktail every Whiskey Wednesday. 😜 He is thoughtful. He loves our kids. He’s always willing.. and of course he “digs holes.”)

What would you guess are the top five things your partner appreciates about you? (I support his goals. I’m a decent cook. I try to stay in shape. I like to spend time with him. I give him his freedom as well..)

What are the top five personality traits you admire? (My husband has faith. He’s brave. He’s hard working. He’s wicked smart. He’s athletic.)

Consider what has made you an effective team in the past. How have you worked together to accomplish things that have enhanced both of your lives OR the lives of others?

I guess the point of this exercise is to remind yourselves of who you are individually and together. Individually, because that’s what attracted you to this person in the first place, and together because that’s why your relationship kept growing and flourishing.

Hang in there folks..

This is the time to tap into all that is best about ourselves as individuals and as couples and leverage all those strengths to get us through to the other side.

We can absolutely do this.. YOU can do this!

8 Comments Add yours

  1. LA says:

    I am really good at reading directions for putting things together, but don’t have the strength require to screw/nail things…so we are totally a team when it comes to building Swedish furniture….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cindy says:

      OMGOSH—I’m sure we could write an entire marriage counseling book based on IKEA..HAHA

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LA says:


        Liked by 1 person

  2. everyone needs to read!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cindy says:

      For sure relationships are strained..of all the things we have lost or are losing because of this $@&# virus, these would be the saddest losses of them all.


  3. Long before Covid became part of daily life we had issues, that in the end were perfect preparation for spending a LOT of time together. However, the added stress of Covid living has impacted us as well. The storms, which are happily infrequent, pass more quickly than they did in the early days when we were both so attached to being “right”. I like this advice. It’s well worth practicing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cindy says:

      I once read somewhere “do you want to be right or do you want to have peace?” Clearly when it comes to some things..like holes in the ground for plants, I WANT TO BE RIGHT! HAHAHA..but other stuff..meh, not worth the fussing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I absolutely agree and I love that saying.

        Liked by 1 person

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